still learning to share
I did something today that ended up being much harder for me than I thought it would be. The idea came to me on my way to pick up the little guy from school and it seemed so simple then – it made sense even and so i told myself that when the the girl and older boy came home from school I would ask then, when they were all together. However, when I picked them up from school, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it – it really wasn’t the right time – you know…
At dinner I pulled myself together and when Mother’s Day came up I asked them if they wanted to get K anything for mother’s day. A harmless question? Yes! Easy to ask? Not so much. Who is K? This is where it became a little complicated for me. She is a lovely person and she is my ex husband’s girlfriend – they just moved in together even. She is here, in his life, and in the kid’s lives, in all our lives and they did just move in together…..So what if she’s technically not their step mom - she is a woman who loves the kids and has and active and important place in their lives so, you know, close enough….
And I do think she is great – in fact, I think her presence makes all of our lives better. She took the girl out for her birthday and gave her a girly day, complete with mani pedis and shopping. She asked for the day off to see the kids perform in a school play. She spends every other weekend playing with them at the park, watching movies, and making them pancakes for breakfast. She has her schedule set so she can join their dad on his mid week visit and she even brought them home one morning when he couldn’t (and we dont’ live right around the corner from each other) It therefore just seemed natural to me as I rolled the idea around in my head that perhaps the kids would want to do something, get something, or make something for her…It was just so much harder when the words actually came out of my mouth. As I sit here I am not sure what it is that makes it seem weird…
Maybe it’s because I feel like she and I are competing or that I am somehow being replaced? Nope that’s not it because K is not in any way trying to do either of those things – at all!
Maybe it’s that I just haven’t had to do it before? No that’s not it.
Maybe it’s that it’s Mother’s Day and in the way I always do, I took something that is supposed to be mine and gave part of it to someone else? Getting a little closer I think. Especially if you consider the fact that I have not had the kids with me for Mother’s Day weekend for the past two years and this year I am really looking forward to breakfast with them instead of crying because I miss them so. I want the day to myself – It’s mmmyyyy ddddaaaayyyy and I don’t want to share – I ddddooooonnnntttt wwwwaaaannnttt ttttooooo!!!!!
Maybe it is really about the fact that it will be Mother’s Day on Sunday and I don’t think that anyone will ask the kids the same thing about me…..yup, that’s it!
My kids will put something together for me, they always do. I’ve gotten lots of breakfasts in bed and gifts/cards made at school and those things are great and in the end, I appreciate most the things that they come up with on their own most. But I am sad. It’ll be Mother’s Day, a day for me, and I did more for another mother in my kids’ lives than someone will do for me, the mother in their lives.
I’m still feel good about it and like it was the right thing to do. But still sharing isn’t always that easy….ya know?
I feel horrible that I do nothing for my kids’ step mom. It’s not because I don’t like her. I do. She’s everything that you listed here about your ex’s gf.
But I guess I’m bitter in that, they don’t help the kids with anything for me on holidays. And while it’s not all about the gifts, sometimes it would be nice to get a card, or a gift, or something.
Maybe I need to think about this and quickly.