i never do this
I never share my academic writing. I just don’t - it’s all about worrying about what others will think of me. It’s all about not feeling good enough or capable and being afraid that someone will figure it out. I’m working on this part of me and in that spirit, Here is a written response to a book I read for my summer course. These turned out to be easier than I anticipated because they are for credit/no credit and are to be written and viewed as sort of a journal entry.
pg 40-41 “In ten minutes, George will have to be George – the George they have named and will recognize. So now he consciously applies himself to thinking their thoughts, getting into their mood. With the skill of a veteran he rapidly puts on the psychological make-up for this role he must play.”
This idea that George, like many of us, goes through his life playing the part expected of him fascinates me because I know this is something that I do each day. I, too, with the skill of a veteran, can change from one role to another. In any given day I’m a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, PTA mom, student, neighbor, customer, patient…Each role has its separate dress code, setting, and lines to be spoken.
It is not that these roles are not real parts of us but it is that these roles are only distinct, separate parts of us; one is never the same as another and therefore never quite the whole of a person. I find that I struggle to maintain some semblance of balance and identity. Can someone really know me? Can I really know myself if I spend each day being the Jenn people expect me to be, being the Jenn they will recognize? What about the Jenn they don’t see, the one reserved for a different role? Many times, these roles conflict and it is in these moments things interesting because that’s when things get messy. While each role is a true part of me, these parts do not always mix well. When that happens, people can perhaps see that in between all of the different roles prescribed to me that I am just Jenn: 33 and desperately trying to keep my shit together.
Hey Jenn! Hope all is well. I’m going to add you to my blogroll as one of my daily (ok every other day or so) reads =)
This is a really interesting idea, one I’ve thought a lot about … even this morning.
I have been in “grouchy mom mode” due to lack of sleep, but then I had some phone calls to make to people at church — and I magically transformed myself into happy-girl. Why can’t I do that for my family, who I love the most?? And do I think my friends won’t like me if I show them how I truly feel??