don’t take it personally
I know I’m not supposed to take it personally.
I know that she’s only 14 and not totally aware of the effect that she has on me.
I know that she doesn’t really mean it.
I know that she gives me the attitude because I am the one that is here.
But…at times….I do take it personally. Yesterday was the kids day with their dad. Since it is summer, he has been able to spend most of the day with them instead of just the evenings as happens the school year. He was coming to pick them up around 10 am. I went into her room at 9 to make sure she was awake - she was and reminded her that her dad would be here in about an hour. From her reaction you would have thought that I had told her she was getting shipped off to boarding school (some days I think she wouldn’t mind if that happened).
Cue rolling eyes and the exaggerated SIGH which is really more like a HMPH….”What?! You never said that I was going with dad today!” Umm….. Yes. I did. 3 times the day before. THREE TIMES. I even mentioned that I didn’t know what he had planned but that they all should have their swimsuits ready because I figured they might go swimming or to the beach. But I guess with her selective hearing and/or memory none of that stuck.
So now she’s slamming and stomping around her room, the bathroom, and the kitchen mumbling to herself…
Then her dad shows up and she is so sugary sweet you would think she was made of cotton candy. Are you kidding me? He mentions to me that he’ll bring the boys home around 6 after he drops her off at ballet class and she looks at me and again with the HMPH “You didn’t tell me I had to get my dance stuff together!” and off she stomps to her room. She gets her stuff and announces as sweet as can be “Okay daddy I’m ready…” Again ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I know that because of the custody arrangement he’s the one that gets to be the fun one while I’m all about schedules and homework and chores and bedtimes and setting limits and enforcing boundaries. I understand that part of being a parent is being unappreciated for all the things I do each day because the kids are just too young and immature to realize everything I do for them. I know that someday they will get it (hopefully). I know the ways in which I didn’t appreciate my parents when I was a teen and that this is not so different from that.
It’s never been easy to accept but I deal with it. But then sometimes like yesterday, I am really hurt by it and really deflated. In times like that, i just want to go on strike and say “You think I don’t do anything? You think what I do doesn’t really make a difference? You think that you can just give me attitude for no reason? Fine then, I won’t do anything and let’s see how quickly our household goes to pot! I quit! So there! :P”
It is hard to do a job in which I am so often taken for granted, overlooked and unappreciated. I struggle with it more than I think I should at times.
I remember asking my daughter one day why she gives me such horrible attitudes that she would never think about attempting to give any other person in this world and you know what she said? “You always forgive me” I do and I always will because she’s my daughter and she still has a lot of growing up to do and I’ve had a lot of forgiveness extended to me in my life and because as often as she rolls her eyes, she makes me laugh and I remember how happy I am to have made the decision to become her mom.
So true and funny. We always vent to those most forgiving. I could hear my 13 year old in your daughter’s, “Okay daddy I’m ready…”
“It is hard to do a job in which I am so often taken for granted, overlooked and unappreciated. I struggle with it more than I think I should at times.” I feel like this a lot, too.
I don’t have teenagers yet, but I don’t look forward to having to deal with this. I don’t think I was the nicest teenager to my mom, either. Ouch! I am sure it will come back to haunt me.
Hang in there, I hope things get better soon.