this is me calling times: a much needed break from the numerous things that chase me daily demanding my attention. i’m safe…even if just for a moment or two.
Yesterday, I put all three of my children on a plane to Michigan - without me. They will spend the weekend there visiting my brother, taking a tour of the University of Michigan campus and attending a U of M football game. They were so excited in this last week as the day of their trip approached. Me? Not so much…I was a nervous wreck. It was strange because I arranged the trip and was the one who decided they could travel without me. It is such a great opportunity for them to see their uncle, travel and get to see a college campus - how could I not let them go? However, when the reality of the situation set in, I really freaked out. I was not exactly ready to let them go so far with out me.
In some ways, it was sort of silly. They had a direct flight. I would be able to escort them through security and to the gate where an airline employee would take them on the plane. When they landed in Detroit, my brother would be given a pass to meet them at the gate as soon as they departed the plane. And yet, even with all of that, I still couldn’t help but be full of fear. My mind plays the ‘What if?’ game way too often and way too well.
Yesterday morning I was so nervous, I felt physically ill. At the airport, I was literally shaking with my anxiety and trying the whole time not to let it show as much as possible. I didn’t want the kids to begin worrying. It was so hard to let them go. To know that they would be out of reach for 5 hours and that whole time I would be wondering wondering if they would make it okay. I handed them off to the airline employee and the tears immediately started. Jerry comforted me and reminded me they would be okay and I knew he was right but still, in that moment, it was hard - really really hard - to let them go. It such a metaphor for life here at home - I get that.
My kids are growing up. Every day. They are old enough to do things on their own. And I am happy they are responsible and can take comfort in knowing they will look out for themselves and for each other. But at times, I just want to hold them close and shield them from the ugliness I know this world holds. At times, I will always hold my breath until I get the call letting me know they are okay.
Yesterday was hard. Yesterday was scary. Yesterday was a big step for me. Yesterday I let go - not completely - but enough. Yesterday I learned I could do something I thought would be impossible for me. Yesterday my kids got the opportunity to show their responsibilty and their ability to take care of each other. Yesterday was an important lesson..for all of us…and I am grateful for it.
I’ll be the first to admit that teenagers offer their own special challenges but for the most part, I think they get a bad rap. My son turns 13 this coming weekend and each day this week I have been gifting him 13 of things. Nothing too fancy but just fun things to have some fun with the fact that he’s becoming a teenager. I normally do not do things like this for birthdays. In fact, I have never bought any of my children a birthday present. Birthdays are about spending time with each other and besides, they get to invite friends over to celebrate and paying for that is present enough. So far he’s gotten 13 bouncy balls, 13 bottles of Gatorade and 13 packs of gum. Later this week he’ll be getting 13 pieces of candy, 13 dollar bills. 13 small family games and 13 birthday cards.
I’ve gotten some strange looks when purchasing this odd assortment of items and have explained that my boy is turning 13 so I’m having a little fun with it. Most often the cashier or the person behinds me apologizes to me for this fact: “13 - Oh I’m so sorry” or “The dreaded teen years - look out!” or “Teens are so difficult” Umm what? I don’t know, I happen to think that teens are some of the most interesting people I know. They have their own unique view of the world and they are developing their own world views and opinions on life. I have had some of the most in depth conversations with teenagers. They ask really interesting questions and think about things in ways I never would.
Of course they push back more often when they feel restricted or challenged and then there are the mood swings and the rolling eyes, and humph! ’s and stomping and OMG!’s but sometimes, I don’t really blame them. They are stuck in between being a kid and becoming an adult. The boundaries and the lines of those rolls aren’t very clear for them. They want more responsibilty but don’t always know how to handle it. They have to start making more decisions and these are so much harder than “Do you want a cookie or ice cream?” It can be very confusing.
Add to that the pressures on kids these days. I am constantly in awe and occasionally horrified by the things my kids witness and have to deal with every day: having the cool clothes, fighting, trying to fit in, drugs, alcohol, sex, doing well in school to prepare for college (not just doing well but exceeding), building/managing/ending relationships as they and their friends change. Add to all of that acne and surging hormones which are changing their bodies on a daily basis.
My daughter is 14, my oldest son will be 13 so soon and the little monkey will be 13 before I know it. It’s a little sad for me because I realize how fast they’ve grown and the day they choose to make their own way in this world is coming sooner rather than later. But at the same time, seeing the grow up brings me so much joy. It is in these years that I get to see my parenting pay off. I get to see them make good decisions. I get to learn and watch them decide who they are and what they want to do with their lives. I get to have conversations with them about life and not just about cartoons, coloring or what they want for a snack. I get to see how far my babies have come and enjoy watching them go even further. Sort of makes up for all the drama..don’t you think?
I don’t get comments all that often around here and that’s fine. The comments i do get mean a great deal to me; especially the ones that offer encouragement, support, and just plain understanding. I find that these comments come just when I need them and I am always thankful that the universe pays attention to me in that way.
The following is a comment I received on my WW Wednesday post last week. I decided to post it here as a ‘guest post’ because of the message it had. He was kind and supportive and offered me some great advice. It was a little longer than most comments ;O) and while he offered to let me abbreviate or summarize, I really wanted to print every word of it. It was great to know I am not the only one who has these kinds of struggles and I figured there had to be someone else out there who could benefit from the message. So without further ado, please say hello to Rodney Earle. Here is what he has to say about himself and his comment follows. (His site is under construction but check back often because I have a feeling there is going to be some great stuff there.)
“About me, I am a 42-year-old filmmaker, producer, director, and novelist who is ORIGINALLY from the MidWest, but made the move to Hollywood (actually about 10 miles north of Malibu and 10 miles West of Hollywood) about 3 years ago. I am a former athlete (in the 80’s) and former Human Resources, Logistics, and Safety Professional, as well as a chef. About 9 months ago I tipped the scales at around 440 (my biggest by far in my life) and am now slimming at about 375 with an eventual goal of under 300. Doing well this time (most of the time) because I was diagnosed Type II Diabetic last December. Now I don’t have a CHOICE but to drop weight, exercise, and come up with ways to “cheat my body” into thinking it doesn’t need as much food as it has gotten all of its life. I am a simple guy with simple needs and great stories to tell (happy to share some of them soon).”
Hey there…
I don’t usually do a lot of commenting on people’s blogs and all, but this is something I am VERY familiar with.
The way I broke the breakfast “habit” was to abolish it. What I mean by that is… it’s just another meal, and we humans are so “stigmatized” by eating cereal, eggs, ham, something dairy, and something breadlike… I got sick of it.
Now, don’t get me wrong… I make the best omelette in the world, as I am a “former” chef, but LATELY I have been having different things for breakfast, including a GENEROUS portion of veggies for breakfast. You may say YUCK, but I LOVE me some veggies, so I figured, WHY WAIT for lunch or dinner to have them? I just had like 1/4 of a pound of frozen peas, boiled in salt/sugar water, drained and poured over cooked carrots (I like mine a bit crunchy) boiled in salt/sugar water as well.
Simple salt and pepper (or seasoning salt) and som very healthy, low-point margarine (or one of those sprays) and a hint of chili powder added in… I am good to go… My total points for this HUGE thing I ate is like 3… MAYBE. Just because of the peas and the margarine.
But I am full, and NOW I am drinking some coffee (some habits I just refuse to kick) and will be good until lunch, because I ate what I like for breakfast instead of the eggs, cheese/dairy, bread, and whatever constitutes “breakfast” food.
What idea would YOU have for something you wouldn’t normally eat for breakfast, but may try for a week or so?
And far be it from ME to lecture about the ins and outs of Weight Watchers (because I am an absolutely HUGE former athlete trying to return to greatness), but just some simple keys help us. You already mentioned ONE of them.
When my girlfriend (or I) have an unsuccessful week (sometimes a gain of more than 5 pounds), we ask ourselves what happened? Firstly, we don’t track points. DANG IT! That’s usually our reaction with DANG replaced with a different expletive. It’s true. THEN, what we do is track our points, no matter WHAT we eat.
Okay, can you tell what kind of reaction we have when my points total reaches 50 or higher? We TEND to “forget” or “I’m not tracking today.”
We fail each time we don’t track. Without question. So we have promised ourselves that no matter what, even if the B & J’s ice cream is a whole pint that we eat today, we track it. All 60 points of it (depending on flavor).
It’s not an easy change, especially when the world around you comes crashing down or whatever because we go to our “comfort zone,” but it’s all about the timing. We have also started planning AHEAD.
For instance, I had a film screening party to go to last week. I knew about it weeks in advance. I “saved” points from the day before (even though I am at a constant struggle with my girlfriend in telling her that points do NOT carry over like cell phone minutes) and I knew that the little meat and mayo sammiches they serve at the Director’s Guild are like 100 points apiece (or they might as well be).
Anyway, like I said… Not a lecture. Just support. That’s also a HUGE key. Support. Reach out to anyone with your same plight. Even a skinny butt who THINKS they are fat. They have the same issues we do, just on a different scale. Hollywood is a weird place. They ALL think they are fat.
Sorry for taking up your entire blog! One last message (and don’t hate me because I am a man for saying this)… October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I lost too many friends (1 is too many) to Breast and/or other types of Cancer. PLEASE do what it takes to stay alive.
Take care, and feel free to condense what I wrote (happens to me all the time).
Peace to you,
R. Earle
Hollywood, CA
Okay - isn’t that the best comment? I seriously love the idea of breakfast not having to be ‘breakfast’. In fat, I tried it the past few days and it made getting breakfast down so much easier. Also, don’t you just love the mention of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Why he thinks I would be upset that a man would mention it, I don’t know…I don’t hate him at all for it. In fact I found it kind and thoughtful. Men and women both need to be aware of this issue and talk about it.
This past week was not a great week for me. I gained 2.5 pounds.! That’s A LOT! considering the fact that I have only been losing 1/2 or 1 pound each week. I am not, however, surprised at this fact. I didn’t track my points for the week - not once - and i did not eat all my meals and some of the things I did eat were not the right portion or the right foods (say for instance that pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream I had). So once again, I am learning my lesson: everything in moderation, proper portions, conscious snacking and keeping track of what I eat.
Sometimes it is so frustrating because I don’t understand why I can’t just lose the weight on my own. Why do I need something like WW to help me? What is it about me that means I can’t just limit myself and watch the pounds come off? I don’t know and at this point in my life, I just really don’t care. The reality is that right now I need help. I don’t think it will always be this way and I can pout about it all I want but it is what it is.
One of my biggest challenges has been eating breakfast. I am not a breakfast eater - I should change that, in the past, I was not a breakfast eater - now I am learning to be one. I am just not hungry in the mornings and at times, the thought of food makes me feel nauseated. One way I have overcome this challenge is by eating a small breakfast and to make sure it has something sweet in it. This past week, I have been pairing up a fiber one yogurt with two slices of deli ham and two mini muffins from the following recipe.
I fiddled around in my kitchen and adapted a basic banana bread recipe to make it healthier and of course worth less points. By simply using wheat flour instead of white and substituting apple sauce and a butter substitute for the regular butter, I drastically decreased the fat and calories while greatly increasing the fiber content. Also, the original recipe is for a loaf but I made mini muffins instead. At 5 points a slice (original recipe) I really cannot afford it. These mini muffins, however, come out to one point each! I love that!They are the perfect fix for my sweet tooth and at one point each, I can afford to have two which makes me feel like I am getting alot - or I can even have one as a snack - yummy :0)
